Election Day

Tomorrow is election day. It's the Phoenix City Council election. I know this because I received a sample ballot in the mail many weeks ago, and like any skilled and masterful practitioner of procrastination, I'm just now getting around to figuring out who these candidates are who are running for the council.

The sample ballot informs me that here in District 6, or, as I like to call it, The Six, I may vote for no mas de UNO of the following four candidates:

• NATHAN R. OSHOP
• BARRY PACELEY
• SAL DICICCIO
• DANA MARIE KENNEDY
  

The sample ballot then informs me of useful things to know, such as when and where to show up and what to bring for identification. But it doesn't tell me who these people or what their stances are. I figured I would go to the library and research each candidate and decide which one best represents my views so that I will be an informed, civically responsible voter tomorrow.

Fortunately, I don't even have to leave my apartment to become civically responsible, for the postman has delivered valuable aids in making my decision. Today in my mailbox awaiting me were two more pieces of mail concerning tomorrow's election.

The first piece was from Sal DiCiccio himself. It's a thick, full-sized sheet printed in red, white, blue, and yellow, and it says that Mr. DiCiccio "believes the highest priority for the City is the protection of our families and safety of our neighborhoods." It then goes on to laud his prior accomplishments as a city councilman along with displaying several photos of him. In one he's listening to a police officer to talk; in another he's listening to a fireman. What a great community-minded guy Mr. DiCiccio is! I too am for the protection our families and for the safety of our neighborhoods. Mr. DiCiccio must be the candidate who represents my views.

But wait! There remains that second piece of mail. I wonder what it says. I should read it if I am to determine which candidate best represents The Six.

The second piece is a slightly smaller piece, and it's printed in ominous grays with a touch of red. It says boldly across the top: "Sal DiCiccio: The Developer's Pal". The piece then describes how Mr. DiCiccio has taken money from developers and then done zoning sorts of things that are bad. After flipping to the reverse side of the piece, I then see a colorful green and blue layout with the name "Dana Marie Kennedy" across the top in a bold font. Below I am informed that Dana Marie Kennedy is for "smart growth" and "services and safety"—among other wonderful things. Wow. I too am for smart growth and services and safety.

With two great people vying for my one vote, I can tell that this is going to be a difficult decision for me, though admittedly that little thing about Mr. DiCiccio and zoning has me a little worried. And I haven't even started researching the other two candidates. I can only hope that they are for terrible things such as eating cute, fluffy kittens and telling dead baby jokes at inappropriate times because I don't know if I can handle three or even four super great candidates.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some civic responsibility stuff to go do.