Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Underwear Post

A certain Just Enough Craig reader whose name shall remain Anonymous recently commented that he was getting too little Craig these days, what with the dearth of new blog postings here. And so I figure it's best to correct this deficiency by making sure he and all other readers get all the Craig they can stand by me writing about my current shift to a personal no-underwear policy. And so I give to you The Underwear Post.

First let's discuss some history of Craig attire. Like many middle-class American kids, I grew up with a closet full of typical clothes ideal for their intended use of sitting around on one's butt all day within an air-conditioned environment: jeans, shorts, T-shirts, short-sleeve shirts with collars, etc. In my drawers were my drawers: boxers.

Cotton, cotton, cotton. Known to some outdoorsy types as death rag.

Advance a few years to when I began using the bicycle as a replacement for automotive transport. Suddenly my wardrobe was no longer merely unfashionable but was impractical, too. Soon after moving to Phoenix and accelerating the shift away from the car and to the bicycle, the first attire change I made was to switch from boxers to briefs. Let's just say that bicycling in regular shorts and any kind of underwear is a bad idea but that boxers are way worse than briefs. (You must understand that back then I hadn't yet acquired the fashion sense to wear Lycra shorts everywhere, and so I would often ride around in whatever impractical shorts I would have worn had I driven a car to my destination.

But boxers-to-briefs was just the beginning! About a hundred bad hair days later, I buzzed off most of the hair on my head and began wearing bandannas everywhere. No more sweaty helmet hair.

Soon after I discovered the joy of everyday spandex, which rendered the boxers-to-briefs transition moot (on the bicycle).

A while later yet, after developing a rather pronounced farmer tan on my arms, I began acquiring a full collection of warm-weather long-sleeve shirts suitable for keeping off much of the desert sun without the need for sunblock.

But even with all these changes, I continue to wear normal clothes upon arriving at my destination. Okay, not all destinations. Not soccer. Not book club. Or people's houses, or shops or shores, or restaurants or bars, but never mind those places because I'm writing about work. I wear normal clothes upon arriving at work. (Although it's been said that wearing a white T-shirt every single day is not considered normal. Bear with me here.)

So there I sit on my butt while at work, having switched into my trusty jeans and short-sleeve cotton T-shirt and, of course, my cotton briefs.

Enter the running shorts. Comfortable enough on the bike for short trips, suitable as underwear beneath regular-person clothes.

Why wear underwear?

Running shorts are superior to briefs because they're technically not underwear. In a pinch, off come the jeans and I hop on the bike to make that quick trip to the grocery store or library in the middle of the work day. No more changing in the bathroom. No more brief inconveniences.

No more underwear.

There, that should keep that anonymous reader happy for a while.