Monday, September 3, 2012

Oh What a Weekend!

  • You spent the whole weekend watching some of the food in your refrigerator grow mold and spores. It sure was fun.
  • You spent the whole weekend watching the water in your refrigerator freeze.
  • You spent the weekend baking oatmeal cookies.
  • You spent the entire weekend watching Star Trek reruns.
  • You rented some movies and ate artificially flavored buttered popcorn.
  • You spent the weekend playing your stereo and patching the plaster your speakers cracked.
  • You spent the weekend cleaning your microwave after you tried to dry your pet rat in it. You also need a new pet rat.
  • You and some friends had a Hottub party this weekend.
  • You played games on your computer all weekend.
  • You watched CELEBRITY INCOME TAX EVASION on TV this weekend.
  • You read all about the mating habits of the North American computer programmer in your encyclopedia.
  • You read your dictionary all weekend. Boy, that was fun.
  • You read your atlas and commited the population of 43 countries to memory. OH WOW!!!
  • You went to the baseball game this weekend and ate hotdogs till you puked.
  • You went to the theatre this weekend and saw the one MAN version of Cats.
  • You had front row seats at a rock concert. The doctor said that the hearing loss shouldn't be permanent.
  • You watched them change the mannequins at QT Clothing this weekend.
  • You washed and waxed your marble this weekend right before it rained.
  • You stayed home and did absolutely nothing this weekend.
  • You spent the weekend hiking around Yosemite.
  • You listened to the Talking Bear 256 times this weekend.
  • You read the 'Wall Street Journal' this weekend.
  • You thought about what you would do on your next turn.
  • You spent the weekend in a hotel because they had to fumigate your apartment.
  • You played in a ping pong tournament this weekend.
  • You pitched horseshoes in your apartment all weekend. The people downstairs love you.
  • You sat around and played solitaire all weekend.
  • You went panning for gold this weekend, but all you got was wet.
  • You spent the weekend in the laundromat washing your clothes. Now that was exciting.
  • You took a friend out to a cheap restaurant this weekend.
  • You went out and caught your own froglegs this weekend.
  • You crawled around on your knees chasing snails this weekend.
  • You spent your weekend thinking about work. Eccch.
  • You spent your weekend trying to remove the mildew between the shower tiles.
  • You spent the weekend listening to the newlyweds in the next apartment set up a new waterbed.
  • This weekend, you won first prize in a beauty contest and collected $10. Whoops, wrong game.
  • This weekend, you closed your curtains, locked your doors, turned off the lights, and ate presweetened morning breakfast cereal, with little marshmallows!
  • You played stickball this weekend with the neighborhood kids and ended up wrenching your back and spraining your ankle.
  • You read a romance novel, NURSE'S TURN TO CRY, in one sitting.
  • You took a long hot bath this weekend and emerged looking like a California Raisin.
  • You watched a torrid romance movie, LIBRARIAN'S DILEMMA, this weekend.
  • One of your fillings came loose this weekend. It's a good thing you're handy with a soldering iron.
  • You spent the weekend examining yourself under the fluorescent lights in the bathroom. Eccch!
  • You spent the weekend wondering if black holes were lit with black lights.
  • This weekend, you hung out at the mall, filled up on junk food, and made your mother ashamed of you.
  • You went bowling with friends this weekend.
  • You played two rounds of golf this weekend.
  • This weekend, you had to bail your nephew out of jail.
  • You had your marble repainted this weekend.
  • You played in a volleyball tournament this weekend.
  • You took a friend out to an expensive restaurant this weekend.
  • You went to San Diego to play in the Over The Line Tournament.
  • You went to Las Vegas in a $20,000 car and came back in a $200,000 Greyhound bus.
  • You tried to drive to Hawaii to watch a surfing contest.
  • You went scuba diving in La Jolla.
  • You went deep sea fishing this weekend.
  • You volunteered to take the local scouts to Disneyland.
  • You drove the senior citizens' bus this weekend and they drove you - crazy.
  • You helped several little old ladies cross the street to get to their aerobics class.
  • You visited a sick friend in the hospital. REALLY!

You spent $15.

Note: Spelling and grammar mistakes in this post are attributed to an unknown North American computer programmer from 22 years ago.

9 comments:

Josh Wilson (fforfilms.net) said...

I knew from the first line what this was....

for most though, I'm sure "It's a secret to everybody!"

Craig Brandenburg said...

Josh— Great! You're probably the only person who reads this blog regularly who understands this post. And thanks for posting another inside joke.

Google Search— You didn't comment, but I know you're lurking out there, so I'll fill you in. This is a list of all the possible "Oh What a Weekend" scenarios for the computer game Jones in the Fast Lane. I tried using you to find this list after my trip to San Diego and La Jolla last weekend so that I could know what players in the game do when they go to San Diego and La Jolla, but I had no such luck. So I hacked this list from of the game's RESOURCE file. Maybe this'll help someone figure out they're supposed to play OTL in San Diego and go scuba diving in La Jolla.

L said...

I see. So all this was just a ploy to trick people into reading your blog while they do innocent Google searches.

Josh Wilson (fforfilms.net) said...

Laura, that's exactly what happened to me. I googled "I've had just about enough of this Craig fellow" and darned if in the 12,564th page of results there wasn't this blog, which I have been unable to escape ever since, drawn in like an unsuspecting photon to a black hole.

Craig Brandenburg said...

Laura— Yep. Now I shall commence my evil laughter.

Josh— Thanks for putting your searched-for phrase in your comment. That should increase its Page Rank considerably.

Matthew Parslow said...

I loved Jones in the fast lane, and this was exactly what I wanted. Kudos to you!

Craig Brandenburg said...

Matthew— Glad you enjoyed!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this list!! This seems to be the only place to find it. I still play this game - classic. I'm seventeen now and love it just as much as I did as a kid. Not that I'm old.

Craig Brandenburg said...

Anonymous— You're welcome! And as someone who played the game before you were born, I assure you you're not old.