A Paradox

Jack: Edward, hello!

Edward: Hello, Jack.

Jack: What serendipitous fortune meeting you here while on my run. What are you doing all alone on this park bench this morning? May I join you?

Edward: Field research and yes, certainly you may join me.

Jack: Field research?

Edward: Yes. I'm counting the bicyclists that pass through that intersection yonder [ -- points -- ] and counting how many come to a legal and full stop at the stop sign and how many roll through it. It's part of a pet project of mine to determine whether bicyclists are, as a group, traffic-law anarchists.

Jack: You're always up to something, Edward.

Edward: Ah, here now comes a bicyclist. Let's see whether he stops.

Jack: That young guy who appears to be in such a hurry? Surely he'll blow right through the stop sign.

[Both Jack and Edward wait. The bicyclist approaches the intersection. On the cross-street to his right is a car approaching the same intersection. The bicyclist suddenly accelerates the final meters to arrive at the stop sign at the same time as the car, which he ignores, and rides without stopping through the intersection, prompting the motorist to honk his car's horn in a desperate attempt of civil justice.]

Jack: A-ha! Just like I said.

Edward: Tsk, tsk. I fear it's not looking too good for traffic-law obeisance this morning.

Jack: Well, I for one don't hold him in lower esteem for ignoring that stop sign. Breaking the law or not, he did no wrong.

Edward: How so?

Jack: Well, you see Edward, I'm a moral relativist.

Edward: Oh really?

Jack: Oh yes. I've decided that no action can be held to be of better or lesser moral standing than any other action.

Edward: That is one definition of the term.

Jack: Edward, I tell you, our world spins unanchored through a universe lacking absolutes, and, without those absolutes, who am I to condemn that bicyclist for running that stop sign? Who am I to condemn anyone for anything at all?

Edward: Such a belief system would save you much time, what not having to condemn much of anyone for much of anything.

Jack: Right you are.

Edward: As you know, I am a busy person, what with all my pet projects, and I could benefit from saving some time, and so I find myself intrigued by your moral relativism.

Jack: Well, it's not all about saving time.

[They pause to watch another bicyclist ride through the intersection without stopping.]

Jack: There goes another person doing neither good nor bad.

Edward: But I'm unsure I possess full understanding of this moral relativism of yours.

Jack: What about it do you find confusing?

Edward: It's not so much a matter of confusion as it is my needing some clarification.

Jack: What would you like clarified?

Edward: It's just a small matter, really.

Jack: Go on. Ask.

Edward: Well... You said that moral relativism is the idea that no action can be held to be of better or lesser moral standing than any other action.

Jack: Yes?

Edward: And, well, does holding a belief constitute an action?

Jack: Hmm... I suppose beliefs are acts of cognition, so yes, I suppose beliefs are a type of action.

Edward: I see.

Jack: You sound as if you're unsatisfied with my answer.

Edward: It's just another small matter, really.

Jack: Ask, please.

Edward: Well... I suppose that it then follows that no belief is to be held to be of better or lesser moral standing than any other belief?

Jack: Naturally.

Edward: Because you are a moral relativist?

Jack: Of course.

Edward: And you are not a moral absolutist?

Jack: Of course not.

Edward: And so it is that you think it's better to be a moral relativist than a moral absolutist?

Jack: Yes...

[There's an awkward silence for some time ranging between a few moments and a few minutes as both sit in quiet contemplation.]

Edward: Shucks! I was so wrapped up in your clarification of moral relativism that I forgot to watch the intersection, and I may have missed bicyclists passing through the intersection. My data will be incomplete and unreliable. Oh, how terrible.

Jack: Yes, that is a decidedly bad course of events.

[Jack stands and puts a finger to his neck for a few seconds to check his heart rate and then does a few quick stretches.]

Jack: Well, I'm off to continue my run. Fare you well, Edward.

Edward: Goodbye, Jack.